Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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