Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
