I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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