I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
