i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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