perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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