dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
