why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
