I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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