You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
