Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
