Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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