o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
