a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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