who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
