Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
