just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
