I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
