The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
