You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
is that a dick in a sweater?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
