if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
