i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
