party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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