Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
