Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
