I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
