whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
