if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
