Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
