not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
