She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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