Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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