Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
