I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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