So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have fence marks all over my body
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
