wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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