I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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