apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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