I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
