don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
