my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
