My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
