Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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