i permit you to call me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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