respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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