dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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