my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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