Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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