can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come back. Shots need mouths.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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