We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
