they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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