my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
