i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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