dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
