The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
that is very illegal...i love you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
