Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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