the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
