He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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