I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
