It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
