sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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