1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
