I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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