There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
