Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i drank out of a bidet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
