So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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