how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize