Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
