if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
