We need to rekindle our bromance
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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