Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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