be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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