At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
