I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
