Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
