With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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