someone threw a dead crab at me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
