The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
