haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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