Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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